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Posted by kau666 on 2005.12.22 at 13:23
This really isn't ready for posting, it's half formed and half arsed. but. well.

Slippery words
Snakes in my hands
Soap in my mind
Beyond view

Hidden while
They speak
And speak

We say nothing
Sliding words
Fall silent before they are born

I sit here with fingers
Poised and mind
Fingers poise
Fingers retreat

The silent majority
While they speak
And Speak

Mighty keys
Poised hands
A mind ready for battle

They speak
They yell
They trample


The world gone deaf
The world gone mute

The world gone and given up


crusty_mcboobs at 2005-12-29 04:29 (UTC) (Link)
youve got a good poem here, it just needs to be cleaned up. drop the
italicised 'they' for starters (how did you get italics on this thing,
anyway?) because it really isn't necessary. i thought the rhythm in
the first 2 verses was really good, but then it gets broken up and
becomes quite hard to follow in the second half. 'the silent
majority' seems misplaced because its referring to you the poet,
right? i don't think poets have ever been the majority!
but yeah, i do like the sentiment and have been feeling it a lot
lately. not only needing to write something but needing to write
something important, and the procrastination that involves, and
the feeling that you're wasting time ... yeah, its very familiar!
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