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ode to intoxicants

Posted by doesthemagkdrgn on 2006.01.08 at 21:47

Comments:


Qaytx
kau666 at 2006-01-11 07:10 (UTC) (Link)
can i do the editing first? y'know, the standard Kate Spelling/Grammar Nit-Picking (TM)?
bleached, veins, hallucinogen, jagged, festering.

now that's out of the way, this is the best thing of yours i've ever read. it's really great, really evocative, and i'm really impressed. i have a few more picks/questions though:

Line Two: do you mean washed by bleach, in which case it should be bleach washed, or bleached and washed, in which case you need a comma ie. bleached, washed?
Line Three: fazing? faze: disconcert, perturb. is that really the word you mean? maybe you mean something closer to haze which would be easy to confuse.
Line Whatever: Always ignored, my companion stares on. not sure who's ignored here, you or the companion, but that's really up to interpretation and not a pick, unless you mean for it to be obvious and then editing is required.

i hope you take this as useful and not tearing apart

how about this, you re-write this and i'll re-write my slithering words drabble, and we'll come back and compare re-writes?

and if it isn't already obvious, yes, i liked. i liked very much.
hopefully when he comes back from the dead, matt will like too.
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